Saya susah cari cinta

wah, tajuk entry yang mengugat kredibiliti saya sebagai seorang lelaki macho tp apakan daya, saya tergerak hati 100 km/j la pasal benda ni.. semua la suku sakat aku especially bapak aku la.. teringin bebenor la dia nak tengok aku ni bercouple.. haha, maklumlah usia semakin tua tp bab tangkap cintan ni mcm budak baru lahir je..

cousin aku pun selalu sound2 gak kat aku.. apesal aku ni bengap mentega betol la..?? nak cari awek pun susah giler ke... so dia pun ajar aku beberapa tips utk aku pratikkan nanti... tp aku langsung tak buat, hahaha.. loser betol kan.. antara ajaran yg dia ajar aku dulu adalah suruh jd adik angkat then boleh upgrade relationship tu ke tingkat yg lebih tinggi.. boleh jd ke skill gitu..?? yg penting dia dh kahwin coz ikot skill gitu la..

sapa yang saya suka sebenarnya..?? courtesy of this site..

susah bebenar la kan nak cari pasangan ni... dh la aku ni bukan jenis yang mudah jatuh cinta.. aku boleh cakap ada 3 tahap jatuh cinta yg ada pada aku... 1st, tengok sekejap terus minat tp akan lupa dlm hari tu gak.. 2nd, suka dan ada insiatif tok berkenalan tp just kenal gitu je... suka berhabis sampai gila bayang... yang nak sampai tahap moksya yg ketiga tu ada susah sikit.. aku pun tak taw.. nak pegi berubat kat bomoh siam mana ntah...

suka tu mmg suka la tengok perempuan cantik solehah tapi tak naik miang sampai on the spot terus nak couple.. aku pun bukan desperate mana pun nak cari awek ni... tak perlu nak berebut nak cari pasangan, my uncle pernah cakap time dh kerja nanti lebih banyak perempuan akan datang syok kat kita, hehe.. tp kalau dh nasib susah nak cari, apa kan daya, nasib badan..

aku coba untuk mengikut aku punya prinsip cinta ni.. 'cinta yang pertama dan terakhir'... tp benda ni pun susah gak.. tak pasal2 putus cinta, frust tertonggeng.. ingat tak kawan Sudan aku tu.. dia ni pun satu kisah.. asyik2 nak paksa org cari calon... tengok gambar aku ngn mana2 perempuan, dia suruh aku rembat... tengok aku buka blog kaum2 hawa, dia suruh aku rembat.. mmg takde kerja lain, haha...

ni la kawan Sudan aku tu..

"zein, if u stumble upon ur handsome picture here, i'm telling u this.. u will be among the 1st people to know that i have a calon later, dun worry..."

dh cukup la dgn pengakuan hujung minggu, aku nak buat kerja lu..

ciao cincau..

saya STRESS giler sesangat..!!

saya STRESS giler sesangat..!!

i'm ...

i'm alone but later i will find love,

a person for me to love,

the most important feeling on earth is love,

till then i need to wait to be loved...

i'm busy but later i will be free,

running away i will break free,

as freedom can't be bought it's free,

till then i need to wait to be free...

i'm lost but later i will find my way,

every path is my possible way,

from this present to the future i will follow that way,

till then i need to just follow this way..

I have landed in Trengganu... Goodbye Paradise, until we met again...

No more playing and loitering coz I've already landed in Trengganu... No more fun and joy with my families and relatives so goodbye paradise, until we met again for an everlasting happiness....

As I step out of AK5388 last night, I have set my priority straight... I have my purposes for being here... I have visions and missions but worst time will come and distract me so GOD, please give the energy to be strong...

I've already landed in Trengganu... The land of dream realization and trust me, reality really smack me hard here so that I will always waking up and knowing what I'm going to face...

Goodbye Paradise, until we met again... Sarawak is my worldly paradise and I presume that not only me who will agree with this... just like a Malay saying, "RumahKu SyurgaKu"... wait until I'm back to my home, that is where I will truly find peace and tranquility...

Wake Up...!!!

Today is already Tuesday and later at the end of this week, I will be back to Trengganu... I'm so avoiding for that particular day but really I can't do so.... hate this feeling, the insecurities and the instabilities... my life is a mess and my emotions are in a wrecked... my happy moments is about to end and I really hope that it wouldn't...

my life is a bumpy ride towards an uncertain future and driving isn't my best trait yet... this will be a long journey...

While watching 'Anywhere But Here', I realize that my holiday is drawing to the end of the line and I need to burst my own bubble quickly... times flew away fast when you having a whole bunch of fun... why can I just be OK with all of this and accept my fate? the important thing is that it is not only my fate but it also holds my future within its grasp... I need to go and face the problems... this is not a mere blind obedience but I sign up for this myself and I need to walk tall...

which path of my future should I partake...??? please tell me...(ceridak muka ya)

I hate this part right here... I don't have options to choose from because I just need to follow the flow of my destiny... although some of the problems have arise and entangle with my headstart to a new beginning, but clearing things up is my priority... one year to go and after that I'm free to explore my life, I'm free for the takings... I've plan my future one year from now, how about you..??? but for now, I just need to wake up...!!!!

p/s - btw, 'Anywhere But Here' is a nice movie to watch...

Bicara Hati 02: ..khusyuk..jauh..ingin..

..khusyuk..

Secupak permintaan untuk sepenuh tumpuan, namun tak senang lagi tak mudah untuk digapai tangan..

Perhatian yang dicurah berhati penuh sopan takut kehilangan, takungan disimpan jangan dicemar teguh pegangan..

Kepada yang Satu disembahkan segala hati dan minda, Kepada yang Esa aku memohon kekhusyukan jiwa raga..

Khusyuk menunaikan perintah untuk khalifah dari Maha Kuasa, mutiara agama bercahaya petunjuk alam semesta..

..jauh..

Sayup-sayup aku mendengar doa keampunan, memohon kesenangan menghadiahkan keinsafan..

Membersih hati menyucikan akhlak peribadi, kemaafan kepada Maha Pengampun yang lahir dari diri sendiri..

Kepada yang Satu dipohon agar tidak menyimpang ke jalan kesesatan, kepada yang Esa aku berdoa dijauhi dari hasutan syaitan..

Jauhi dari bencana dan api neraka jahanam, elakkan diri dari dimakan oleh seksaan abadi yang kejam..

..ingin..

Cinta pada diri cinta pada semua cinta pada tuhan, hati kita sendiri yang tahu rahsia diri dalam simpanan..

apa yang tersirat dan tersimpul harap dapat kejelasan, agar mulut tak terpinga-pinga akal memikirkan kesesalan..

Kepada yang Satu dipinta ketenangan dalam membuat keputusan, kepada yang Esa aku menadah meminta kasih afdal penuh keinginan..

Ingin mendapat cinta yang sememangnya sempurna, agar aku tunduk mendambakan cahayaMu senantiasa..

anugerah ..khusyuk.. sukar bagi aku capai,

namun tidak ..jauh.. untuk diri aku gapai,

jika aku ..ingin.. tahap yang boleh aku sampai

Thnks fr ystrdy

Yesterday was empty... totally kosong... sepatutnya ada presentation (yg i really hate to do coz it was so last minute) but suddenly lecturer sakit and postponed the presentation... dngan kekosongan yang ada, i really feel sad... utk avoid my sadness, i need to think other stuffs but yesterday was so empty, i started to feel very very sad, lonely, homesick and a lot more emotions that flowing in mcm ribut monsoon yg bakal melanda my place at the end of this year....

i can't really contain myself and i started to menangis.. huhu... i know that was very pathetic of me but i was on my weakest state of mind and soul... i think too much and that makes me really really stress... stress of everything that i can't control... STRESS...!!!!! STRESS....!!!!! 3 days of depression, i need to make today, a day for my recovery... god, family and friends, please help me...!!!!

but yesterday i was happy a bit... i called and contacted people and find out that i'm not alone in this world... people will always support me, wherever i am, whenever i am, whoever i am... thanks for yesterday...

Thanks to Kak Rehan and Kak Hani for giving me a reason to move on... they have done this for 5 years, and really it is hard (nait turun bas mini and berkejar dengan komuter) but later it will help us... (facebook status: 8.14am)

Thanks to Kak Flo and Farhan for liking my status in facebook.... its another way to show your support to me... (facebook status: 10.20am)

Thanks to my mom and my dad as well as my brothers and sisters for giving me support in any form that is possible (money, love, energy) i miss all of you... my mom said to me last nite - "jangan bingung..." i will not bingung too much... i'm not the kind of person that really showing love to anyone, but this is exceptional... I LOVE MY FAMILY....

Thanks to my granny, Nek Meng and grandpa, Nek Tambi as well as my aunts, Aunty Som, Usu Gjan and Aunty Norlia for giving support, giving advice and pray for my health and life... i will cherish this always... hearing the voices thru my phone, really helping me in regain my composure and walk till the end...

Thanks to ryna for helping and supporting me... chayok...!!! chayok...!!! (facebook status: 6.40pm)

Thanks to Sumas for chatting with me thru facebook chat last petang... thanks alot for calming me and giving me support...

Thanks to Didie, Sumas, Oly and Syafiq for calling me when i needed the most... making me happy, mengubat rindu and giving me energy for me to move forward.... i will meet u guys later...

Thanks to JC and all of my other frens, Aman and others... with only 40 min left last nite, i have only the oppurtunity to call JC and express my problems to her... i only want someone to chat with... hopefully i did not burden you... CHAKO forever...!!!!

2 weeks ago, 1 week ago, this week, next week

2 weeks ago

I miss my flight back to Kuching and haven't finish my assignment... I really hate myself... This is my downturn, my fall... I really really can't accept this but I already get over that matter... for every actions done there will be consequences that I need to pay... I really really hate myself, I really really hate myself, I really really hate myself... I am DOOM...

1 week ago

The 1st day of hari raya, a day of happiness... I went back to Kuching, meeting up with my family.... I really miss them all... I really miss all the memories we have together... I'm very happy and I have fun... but the holiday was short and need to make full use of it... put aside my problems and enjoy the holiday...

This week

My emotions really hit me hard... I can't contain myself anymore... I need to cry... I miss all of them back in Kuching... I miss them all already... this is really really hard for me... I never feel this before, this is new to me... I can't stop thinking them... I want to go back home... I want to quit... I want to stop... I want to be free...

Next week

I need to be strong for me to gain my success later... I'm doing this for my family... I need to survive to the end... I need to survive till the end... I need to survive for the end... Pray for me, give me energy and will to do this... I'm weak, I need all of you for me to be strong....

My eyes are RED and WET...

I dunno why did I start to cry,

my heart pounding and sorrows flows in the river of despair,

memories of the past fills in the gaps,

making me drift into the land of red and wet eyes...

I dunno why did I start to cry,

I try to contain it, throw it away as far as I could,

but the depression cling to my heart,

won't let me go, letting my eyes to turn red and wet...

I dunno why did I start to cry,

a lot of thing to be think, to be solve, to be done,

with my small logic mind,

my large emotions taking me over, turn my eyes into red and wet...

I dunno why did I start to cry,

I just want to get over this, quickly, faster,

need to be strong enough to survive this,

once awhile real men needs to cry, my eyes are red and wet...

The Beginning Of An Ending....

THE

BEGINNING

OF

AN

ENDING

Today will be the most anticipated day for me (and the rest of my housemate) since we arrived here, at Kuala Terengganu...

We have talked much of this, planned alot of things starting from this day...

We knew, we already knew that this day would surely come...

We welcome today with open hand, big smile and feelings of anxiety...

Here in Terengganu, Thursday is the day of independence...

Thank god its Thursday...

We love Thursday...

Now the day that we have waited for so long have come...

The waited day is today...

As we will enter a weekend of happiness as well as sadness...

Today is the day of our embarkment...

Today is our gateway to success...

Today is Thursday...

As we march towards this weekend...

Today we have the reach the starting line...

Of an unforgetful weekend...

Thursday will be our introduction...

To a journey of knowledge and life...

We will end this journey this weekend...

We will end our epic adventure...

Today is the beginning of an ending...

We begin on Thursday...

I'll be back... for a reminiscence of 1,2 and 3....

TO

BE

COUNTINUE

Malam yang suram...!!!

Malam tok sunggoh bosan....!!!!!!!!!

sampe sikda idea mok berblog...

so tiba-tiba terpkir this poem, so enjoy la...

Malam Yang Suram

Tiap senja kegelapan datang mendakap diri yang sepi,

menolak segala biasan cahaya ke tepi,

menutup segala muka dengan hijab dari dahi ke pipi,

malam ini bukan sebarang malam,

malam ini malam yang suram...

Adakah malam ini membawa ketenteraman kehidupan hakiki,

atau diselimut dengan kesejukan salju putih pada hati,

atau kita berasa diri yang didirikan sendiri,

malam ini bukan sebarang malam,

malam ini malam yang suram...

Di saat kita sendiri, kita hilang panduan,

menatap langit memahami buruj mengetahui tujuan,

duduk mencangkung dibasahi air hujan tangisan,

malam ini bukan sebarang malam,

malam ini malam yang suram...

Namun bilaku pandang pada bulan pujangga,

Munculnya keseorangan namun putih bercahaya,

Menimbulkan inspirasi kurniaan Allah Maha Pencipta,

malam ini bukan sebarang malam,

malam ini malam yang suram...

Aku bersyukur pada Ilahi,

membenarkan aku bernafas tiap saat di dunia ini,

agar aku sentiasa melihat dan mengerti,

bahawa,

malam ini bukan sebarang malam,

malam ini malam yang suram...

The End

Dah abis dah... xpat terimak the truth la.... rasa kosong jak my feelings now... yesterday was my presentation and things goes smoothly with some bumpy ones, just some la.... my 3 years as an undergraduate has end... my 'The End'... hahaha.... now, i just need to finish my sisa-sisa kehidupan with my friends.... later dis friday, there will be a dinner... a dinner for us and for our lecturers... this dinner is a gift cherished together... can't wait to be there... that will be my long waited 'The End'...

there are alot of 'The End' this wik... one of them was my favourite reality tv shows, the amazing race... and you now what, one of my chosen contestants actually won this season... yay...!!!!!

Tammy & Victor won... yay...!!!

and this saturday will one more 'The End'... 'The End' for akademi fantasia... hopefully Hafiz will won this season....

Afundi Hafiz...!!!

Please click on the links below..

Benda yang sangat bagus...

Ini adalah satu lagi benda yang bagus tp 'click' yang diatas dahulu...

Conflicts & The Remedy

dunia... oh! dunia...

I really dun like CONFLICTS and confrontations or watever that can be derived in any sort of vocabulary definitions as well as its jargon... the thing is I manage to find my way into one and another... that is irony, very opposite of me... every possible CONFLICTS that I live through is not in my hand, this is out of my control... what we have here can be categorized as human nature... I just follow the flow, let my destiny take over its cause... bringing me, attracting me towards my scripted, dramatize fate... I need to face these CONFLICTS... I will try not to avoid any single one as this will make me stronger... CONFLICTS makes our world suffocated with all of the smirking, screaming, punching, cursing...

dunia... oh! dunia...

peoples are humans... and human will always be human whether or not they are monster or angel, scumbag or preacher, loser or winner, rich or poor, idiot or genius... what we see, what we know, that is the nature of a human... a well-being created by god almighty that is imperfect, full with mistakes... forgiveness is the key for salvation... a key that is truly with us from the beginning, with us all along... the key within ourselves is the actual REMEDY... the REMEDY to heal our grief life, the REMEDY to cure the cancer of humanity, the REMEDY to cleanse our precious soil from war... let us unlock the true meaning of forgiveness with this key, the hidden key, the missing key of our life...

dunia... oh! dunia...

Counting Days Towards The End...

Menghitung Hari...
Detik Demi Detik...
Masa Ku Nanti Apakan Ada...
Jalan Cerita Kisah Yang Panjang...
Menghitung Hari...

Tick tock tick tock...

My time is ticking slowly towards the end... My end as a undergraduate... so little time to spend but so many things to do... thank god there were no more assignments for me to suffer... hahaha... praise to the god...

Tick tock tick tock...

This is my crucial moment of my life, my busiest, the most important... need to excel, need to survive... hahaha... no time to play (yeah rite...!!!), no time to blog (what...!!!!)....

Tick tock tick tock...

Things for me to do...

EXAMS

20 Apr 2009 0900-1200 Captive Animal Management FINISH!!!!
24 Apr 2009 1200-1400 Application To Biotechnology II coming!!!
4 May 2009 1200-1400 Social Issues In Biotechnology so long!!!!

PRESENTATION

need to finish my thesis then present... haiya...!!! so busy la... please finish as soon as possible...
presentation on 11-12 MAY 2009...

DINNER

so many things to plan, then collect money from people (ALONG)
then dinner (15 May 2009)...

Tick tock tick tock...

our time flying away... so stop wasting time here... haha..

Tick tock tick tock...(macam ni kah jam berbunyi..???)

Aduh....!!!!

Aduh....!!!!

"Pahal la mamat sekor ni... kacau bilau betol la idup ko ni.... macam takde keja lain... nak berblog pun perlulah ada content yang mantap lagi berinformasi... ni tak, cakap kosong, loyar buruk and krepak bodo adalah... pahal la ko jadi macam ni...

Dah ini hidup aku... sukati aku la... hidup aku nak kacau ka, nak bilau ka, tak pernah pun memnganggu kesejahteraan hidup orang lain... betol-betol jaga tepi kain cadar lusuh orang lah... apa yang aku cakap takde kena mengena ngan ko langsung lah.. apa ko peduli... pirah....!!!!

Orang suruh belajar... ko pegi main.. suma benda orang suroh buat, ko kata 'nehi'... hidup ko ni bosan giler ke... memang dah takde keja lain ka... coba la bawa berdoa, minta pedoman dari kuasa yang lebih tinggi (sambil menadah tapak tangan dengan tinggi ke langit)..

Dah dah, tak perlu ko nak bersyarah kat sini... buang air saliva ko betol... ni dah setempayan dah aku takung ni... nak aku simbah balik kat ko... ceh....!! aku tahu lah bila nak belajar... kenapa ko susah hati sangat la... tak perlu la nak nasihat aku la.... aku memang dah tergolong dalam kaum manusia yang dah berevolusi, mempunyai lubang telinga yang bersambung... dah tak perlu ko ingatkan aku... eventually suma yang masuk dalam telinga ini akan keluar dari yang satu ni.....

Dua, tiga baris aku cakap... berjela-jela ko balas... macam ada sub-machinegun la pulak... memang aku dah tau ko memang cengitu... aku dah biasa nampak orang macam kau ni tepi jalan merempat.... dah itu jalan yang ko pilih... aku dah tak nak sibok dah... apa yang aku cakap, suma melantun balik kat aku... muka ko ni dah sejibik papan meja ping pong... aku ciao dulu lah...

Pegi la berambos... macam la aku peduli... kau takde aku bleh hidup la..... aku tak perlu orang yang suka menyusahkan orang lain... senang hati aku ko pegi... dah tak perlu datang lagi... bahagia hidup aku macam tu..."

The End...!!!

that was a monolog between my righteous self with the devil within me... everyone always say that the war out there in Iraq or any other country takes its toll on the people of the related country itself... same goes with the war within us... a war that may affect our true nature, a war that is very cruel and inhuman... this war is so near to us... be prepare and alert...!!!

p/s - this week is my study week but I havent started anything yet... haihz.... lazy... couch potato... bum...

Наконец, я сделал это

Наконец, я сделал это...

i've have reach to Waterfall No.7 today. An 

accomplishment that is very hard for me to do it by myself. Thanks alot 

to all of you that have walk, climb, slide and hike our way through the tormented trail of almost 90 degress slope, slippery rocks, muddy flat soil and watever that may hindered our journey for relaxation.

Наконец, я сделал это...

as we arrive at the waterfall, we were astound by the beauty that is far from my ima

gination. what a truly magnificent place this is. before i saw the w

aterfall, i could here the splashing sound of the waterfall. a sound that brings the ultimate 

reward for us. every steps bring us closer to

the Shangri-La.

Наконец, я сделал это...

a place like no other. Наконец, я сделал это, when will you...???

Niemand

i'm nobody to everybody,
niemand...
like a speckle of dust to the vortex of storm...
like a tiny raindrop to the vast open sea...
like a refraction of light to the mighty supernova explosion...
like a clinging hope to the plunging abyss of despair...
nothing more than just a nobody,
niemand...


i'm nobody to somebody,
niemand...
like the stars within a constellation...
like the tips and roots on a tree...
like the right ear to the left one...
like a success or failure at every end of a road...
nothing more than just nobody,
niemand...


i'm nobody to nobody,
niemand...
like a wooden doll with its witty puppeteer...
like a figured shadow with its beholder..
like the closest enemy and the farthest friend...
like the purpose of life with its own master...
nothing more than just nobody,
niemand...

Faccio Che Cosa

it is all about me.... it is always about me.... nothing in this world is as much important than myself... i'm a hypocritical, abdominal, obnoxiously person that only thinks for his own privilage first than others later....

which may benefit me more, give an advantage to me... than i will do that.... Faccio Che Cosa.... that's my priority enactment that i've already sorted out throughout my 21 years of living in this world.... Faccio Che Cosa...  that's my foundation of my believes that i've been practicing as long as i can remember... Faccio Che Cosa.... that's the output that i've been giving to retrieve some input for myself from any receiver that may concern....

there no harm on what i've done as Faccio Che Cosa.... Faccio Che Cosa so be it...!!!!

Les Misérables

Starting of the third month, i felt very very miserable... i dont know why.... my heart keep worrying on something that is actually exist but my eyes and mind keeps denying the fact that will haunt me throughout this semester...

my life is drifting without any purpose lately.... doing nothing makes me worried.... doing something makes me bored... i'm miserable.... miserable... miserable... Les Miserables... i am a poor wretches that cling to any sympathies that are able for me to grab... i hate this part right here...

please help me to recalibrate my purpose, cleanse my heart and soul... i would like to redeem myself to the higher power that can revive my energy, revive my spirit to overcome the challenges that may hinder my journey to run away from my Les Miserables life...