Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Thnks fr ystrdy

Yesterday was empty... totally kosong... sepatutnya ada presentation (yg i really hate to do coz it was so last minute) but suddenly lecturer sakit and postponed the presentation... dngan kekosongan yang ada, i really feel sad... utk avoid my sadness, i need to think other stuffs but yesterday was so empty, i started to feel very very sad, lonely, homesick and a lot more emotions that flowing in mcm ribut monsoon yg bakal melanda my place at the end of this year....

i can't really contain myself and i started to menangis.. huhu... i know that was very pathetic of me but i was on my weakest state of mind and soul... i think too much and that makes me really really stress... stress of everything that i can't control... STRESS...!!!!! STRESS....!!!!! 3 days of depression, i need to make today, a day for my recovery... god, family and friends, please help me...!!!!

but yesterday i was happy a bit... i called and contacted people and find out that i'm not alone in this world... people will always support me, wherever i am, whenever i am, whoever i am... thanks for yesterday...

Thanks to Kak Rehan and Kak Hani for giving me a reason to move on... they have done this for 5 years, and really it is hard (nait turun bas mini and berkejar dengan komuter) but later it will help us... (facebook status: 8.14am)

Thanks to Kak Flo and Farhan for liking my status in facebook.... its another way to show your support to me... (facebook status: 10.20am)

Thanks to my mom and my dad as well as my brothers and sisters for giving me support in any form that is possible (money, love, energy) i miss all of you... my mom said to me last nite - "jangan bingung..." i will not bingung too much... i'm not the kind of person that really showing love to anyone, but this is exceptional... I LOVE MY FAMILY....

Thanks to my granny, Nek Meng and grandpa, Nek Tambi as well as my aunts, Aunty Som, Usu Gjan and Aunty Norlia for giving support, giving advice and pray for my health and life... i will cherish this always... hearing the voices thru my phone, really helping me in regain my composure and walk till the end...

Thanks to ryna for helping and supporting me... chayok...!!! chayok...!!! (facebook status: 6.40pm)

Thanks to Sumas for chatting with me thru facebook chat last petang... thanks alot for calming me and giving me support...

Thanks to Didie, Sumas, Oly and Syafiq for calling me when i needed the most... making me happy, mengubat rindu and giving me energy for me to move forward.... i will meet u guys later...

Thanks to JC and all of my other frens, Aman and others... with only 40 min left last nite, i have only the oppurtunity to call JC and express my problems to her... i only want someone to chat with... hopefully i did not burden you... CHAKO forever...!!!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

2 weeks ago, 1 week ago, this week, next week

2 weeks ago

I miss my flight back to Kuching and haven't finish my assignment... I really hate myself... This is my downturn, my fall... I really really can't accept this but I already get over that matter... for every actions done there will be consequences that I need to pay... I really really hate myself, I really really hate myself, I really really hate myself... I am DOOM...

1 week ago

The 1st day of hari raya, a day of happiness... I went back to Kuching, meeting up with my family.... I really miss them all... I really miss all the memories we have together... I'm very happy and I have fun... but the holiday was short and need to make full use of it... put aside my problems and enjoy the holiday...

This week

My emotions really hit me hard... I can't contain myself anymore... I need to cry... I miss all of them back in Kuching... I miss them all already... this is really really hard for me... I never feel this before, this is new to me... I can't stop thinking them... I want to go back home... I want to quit... I want to stop... I want to be free...

Next week

I need to be strong for me to gain my success later... I'm doing this for my family... I need to survive to the end... I need to survive till the end... I need to survive for the end... Pray for me, give me energy and will to do this... I'm weak, I need all of you for me to be strong....

My eyes are RED and WET...

I dunno why did I start to cry,
my heart pounding and sorrows flows in the river of despair,
memories of the past fills in the gaps,
making me drift into the land of red and wet eyes...

I dunno why did I start to cry,
I try to contain it, throw it away as far as I could,
but the depression cling to my heart,
won't let me go, letting my eyes to turn red and wet...

I dunno why did I start to cry,
a lot of thing to be think, to be solve, to be done,
with my small logic mind,
my large emotions taking me over, turn my eyes into red and wet...

I dunno why did I start to cry,
I just want to get over this, quickly, faster,
need to be strong enough to survive this,
once awhile real men needs to cry, my eyes are red and wet...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

so LAST season... (with EXTRA wishes and greetings)

is so LAST season...
(a chicken attempt to please myself)

i know is been forever i didn't update my blog.. is not that i'm giving up blogging just like i gave up to my love stories (opps..!!! i know, i'm loser in any chapter @ volume @ season of finding true love), i've just had been very occupied doing stuffs and a lot stuffs... stuffs that will always stuff my mind... hah...!!!

and yet i able to find and spend my time to publish this post as sign that i'm still INTO blogging... blogging is one of my passion in "Hafiz's Top Ten Life Passions", i'm not sure which number but still.., one of my passions... lol... (bulan posa pun masih nak menipu)

alang-alang i'm in the mood of opening my blog account, i taking this opportunity to wish y'all...

Happy Graduation
(i know this is very very very late, but i think that i haven't wish here in my blog)

Selamat Hari Kebangsaan
(ya, i know...)

Selamat Berpuasa di Bulan Ramadhan
(4 more days counting)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
(yeah...!!! balik kampong... btw, i miss my flight last sunday and will be back kampong on the 1st day of raya... huahuahua... this is not a big deal, so i just mention it here.. p/s - it is a BIG deal, i'm an idiot...)

Happy Belated Birthdays
(for those that are celebrating the birthday in August and September, especially my granny, 15 September and my beloved friend, to many to mention... ya, i know, i'm popular so i have many friends... lol...

is so LAST season,
this is a NEW season

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